Slavery Free Jamaica

August 1, 1838 - Slavery was abolished in Jamaica. 

But there's a price for every party

Jamaica didn't just politely cough and motion towards the chains on their wrists and hope the british got the hint, well they may have in the beginning but that clearly wasn't working. And the british are far too polite let on that, yes, they understand your subtlety, but they are just going to pretend they don't.

 Tea's not going to make itself. Wait I have slaves, so yes, yes it is.

Thus began the Baptist War, the 16th Slave revolt in Jamaica. After rudely revolting 15 times before the Jamaicans decided that 16th times the charm. Yet the plantation owners were still like "Hey what is in this sandwich? Ah nevermind I trust you completely, you whom I've enslaved like your father, and his father before him son on and such, now I've got to take a nap on the veranda, please remember to lock up the sharp farm implements after you've finished creating my fortune."

The rebellion was planned as more of an extended christmas vacation where the slaves would refuse to work until paid or the sugar crop was lost. But sometimes you tell yourself "I'll just have one piece of cake, but then before you know it you've mobilized 60,000 slaves, attacked 200 plantations and 1million british Lbs worth of sugar cane.

If there were memes in 1838 they would have featured a side by side comparison of America's rebellion where peaceful patriots waited in line to courteously throw tea into the river while Jamaica's rebellion showed overturned horses and the charred remains of several Jamaican Walgreens locations.

White people were so classy they even dressed up as another race to avoid those awkward questions at dinner

When the rebellion finally ended the final death score came out to a baker's dozen for the british and Jesus wept for the rebels. The rebel leader Samuel Sharpe's final words before his execution were "I'd rather die upon yonder gallows than live in slavery". This was the first and saddest recorded version of the game Would You Rather in history.

May I still choose yon gallows?

The fears of another slave revolt were a major concern since they were becoming as regular as Jamie Lee Curtis in an Activia commercial. So the british decided that perhaps it was best to give in to abolition with an eventual transfer to a Sandals Resort and Casino based economy rather that suffer more economic losses.

Wait, why does everything feel the same?

So on August 1st, 1838 Slavery was finally abolished in Jamaica...sorta.